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My Mantra for the Day or more like the rest of this Year

You are not the only one in pain
You are not the only one feeling lonely
You are not the only one unemployed
You are not the only one feeling lost
You are not the only one heartbroken

Why do we experience these feelings? I somehow understand that we can not move forward unless we grow. It is easier for me to see it if I put myself into Darwin’s mind. His works lead us to believe that human species is a result of evolution. Evolution is a result of the fight for survival.

We wake up everyday trying to achieve something. We have certain goals that are kind of given to us since the day we were born. You have to educate yourself + work for the community + get married + have kids + send your kids to college, etc. However that equation is no longer valid. Now we have – divorces – personal breakdowns – economic recessions, etc. We are therefore still thriving to survive in this complex world.

Our thrive to survive now a days is driven by fear. I suppose I am not the only millennial that is not looking for that perfect job based on money but based on how I can contribute to society. I hope I am also not the only one with fears on getting married not because of commitment issues but just because I don’t want my children to go through separation. Is it wrong that I just want quietness and a job that allows me to work independently yet also challenge me to further develop my analytical and research skills? Sometimes I just enjoy staring at nature or a walk out with my dog. However, I can not live without coffee, feeling appreciated and experiencing new things. Those are a few of the things that get me going but how do ‘normal’ people now a day find motivation, and how does that differ from 15-30 years ago?

More to come… thanks for stopping by!

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Painting my thoughts

At times I feel pain, loneliness and feelings of being lost. I close my eyes and I see dark purple with some touch of burgundy. I think the touch of burgundy is my passion hidden there somewhere.

When I try to release these thoughts I come across with a light blue color. To me it represents clarity. Clarity is what I search for in life. I hope to find my purpose, my passion so that I can truly help me and others around me.

As I was waking up this morning I saw a light green color. To me it represented some hope. I think this will allow me to continue searching for the path that will enlighten me to pursue my dreams.

I hope to see yellow thoughts in the future as I think it will represent energy, new beginnings and abundance of happiness.

Still Searching

or Am I just willing to discover as I go? I have been in this process of seeking a career several times. In the past two and a half months I have been once again trying to find what I really want to do. I want to understand what is the best way to help me and the community.

I have worked in corporate and that doesn’t seem to work. People stress me out so much and all they want is to shine, and be the best at bringing profit to a company. I care less about money and care more about the experiences we can provide to the public. In my years working as a research analyst I have enjoyed those projects where I work on my own, and the times when I helped others learn different tools and think differently.

I am known for being a connector of ideas, a very analytical yet critical thinker who at times can come up with great solutions. However, those skills are limited when I am surrounded by people especially those that are pressuring me. My mind fills with thoughts that people around me are just trying to set me up to fail, or that people won’t believe my ideas so I just stay still and quiet.

When I am in my own bubble I get to experience wonderful thoughts and visions.

I have to go now. Next time, I will write about these visions that I experience.

 

The continuous search for a purpose

 

As an INFJ type I have struggled to identify the true meaning of being myself. Yet again, after three attempts to finish master’s school and six jobs later I am asking myself the same question again. What am I here for?

Advise from professionals, family and close friends have guided me to make a lists of the things that I am passionate about and a list of the things that I am less passionate about. When I think about the activities that I enjoy I like to thing of being:

  • useful,
  • a good listener,
  • a lifelong learner,
  • contribute to wellness,
  • having insights to share to the world

When I think about the things that I am less passionate about I list activities such as:

  • working with others,
  • limited creativity,
  • having a direct supervisor,
  • focus on details or results driven by monetary gains
  • doing meaningless tasks

Typically we would think that to be successful we must be willing to give out certain things that we don’t enjoy. But truly all that we need is self-worth. I personally tend to devalue myself. My low self esteem takes charge of everything around me. Little thoughts invade my mind:

  • I rather stay in bed,
  • I am not important at work,
  • No one cares about me,
  • My partner doesn’t love me enough

With time I have come to understand that these are just evil thoughts that are trying to sabotage my life. I don’t hate them I am just trying to feel in control over them. I really want to be able to be free of fear and enjoy life little by little.

So I have started doing small things that I enjoy, such as walking my dogs, writing or simply enjoying some good music. I noticed swimming or exercising helps too but sometimes I don’t enjoy those as much. It makes perfect sense to me now because exercising does not offer an immediate reward.

Same as when we go to work, we become machines and we typically don’t see the reward right away. We see a paycheck every two weeks and it is not as exciting to me. I was unemployed for over a year so I must feel grateful but I also have had jobs that paid higher. Currently I work at a call center for a corporation that does lab work. It may seem very automatic but I am doing some problem solving and I like to think that I am helping patients and physicians provide a better care for their life.

However there are some days that I don’t see that result right away so I become less and less motivated. This where we want to just lay down in bed, stop everything around us and just don’t care. Yet this is where we should take a deep breath, shut the inner critic and understand that everything is perfect. We are here at this precise moment for a reason. We are at this role because no one else but me can bring my skills to the table. We are unemployed because we are in search of better opportunities. 

Once we determine what drives us we could find the real purpose of each of us in this world. I personally feel accomplished when I go to bed thinking that I had made someone else’s life easier. The feeling of making someone happy or seeing progress enlightens me. That is how I have realized that I have been a teacher throughout my entire life without being on the educational field. In past roles I have been known for certain abilities that basically describe a professor but also describe a doctor in psychology or counselor. I have detailed these below, in case you guys have any other thoughts, I have been known for:

  • being a person who brings great insights to the table,
  • helps connect the dots,
  • provides the necessary investigation needed to come up with different solutions,
  • provides the support needed to new associates that guides them in the discovery of new findings

I would have never been able to arrive at this amazing discovery if it wasn’t for this continuos search and ups and downs that I have been riding through the past 10 years.  All we have to do is focus on those values that we truly want for ourselves, our families and the world around us. If you don’t like what you’re doing it is ok to pause and change pathways. Once we see that we are contributing to a better world in everything that we do then we will come to understand that we can be happy with who we are meant to be.

Following Our Hearts

A guide to letting go and being yourself.

Hi and welcome to my first blog post. My name is Carla Michelle and my purpose of this post today is to come to an understanding on what motivates each of us. Growing up I would rise early morning to go to swimming practice before school. After school I would have a short break to do homework and grab a snack so I that could be ready for the evening swimming practice. That was my  routine day to day until I decided to pursue my bachelor’s degree abroad. Up until today I am not sure what truly motivated me to leave my beautiful island of Puerto Rico to go to cold and bitter yet beautiful Pennsylvania.

Sometimes we are heartbroken or feeling worthless around friends and sometimes we are hungry for more or eager to be free and explore. Sometimes we just follow our parent’s guidance and sometimes we just end up doing what our guts tell us to do. However it is not very often that we see people taking actions after their dreams. It is not very frequent that we do what our hearts wants us to do. We tend to find inspiration to take action on something yet we end up giving more importance to our fears and limitations.

Some of us may have trouble finding what our heart is telling us to do. The technology in today’s world is making us become less and less connected to those around us but especially to ourselves. This is leading us to use internet search whenever we are not sure of something. We then research on a topic and we start to believe whatever people are saying about it and sometimes we don’t even get to experience it.

In the old days people would naturally find their solutions by experiencing. People did not have the luxury to find their skills and passions because they had to learn multiple tasks in order to survive. Society back then did not include a catalog of opportunities with different roles and industries that anyone can explore.

Nowadays we have successful and happy customer representatives, marketing managers, teachers, architects, social media managers, artists and plenty of other roles in society. However, some of us have felt lost or like they don’t belong at a certain school, work area or neighborhood. This is natural because we tend to find guidance from others or from resources outside of us so we end up in places we may not truly fit in. We tend to act almost automatically based on what society expects from us.

It is essential for us to connect with ourselves. Listen to our hearts and follow our instincts based on our passions. When we have trouble finding what we are truly passionate about we can always try to visualize where we would like to see ourselves. What do we want for ourselves? For our family? For the world? What are the things that I enjoy doing and how can I use that to contribute to this world?

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost.

– J.R.R Tolkien

If we pay close attention to our day to day we can clearly see that anything is possible in today’s world. Change is now constant so we must let go and become flexible. This is allowing us to expand our capacities to continue learning and become more creative. This is also opening up a whole new catalog of opportunities that each of us should explore. Every day is a new day, it is a white canvas asking for something new to be written on. It is an opportunity for you to design and create your best picture. Enjoy it!

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