As an INFJ type I have struggled to identify the true meaning of being myself. Yet again, after three attempts to finish master’s school and six jobs later I am asking myself the same question again. What am I here for?
Advise from professionals, family and close friends have guided me to make a lists of the things that I am passionate about and a list of the things that I am less passionate about. When I think about the activities that I enjoy I like to thing of being:
- a good listener,
- a lifelong learner,
- contribute to wellness,
- having insights to share to the world
When I think about the things that I am less passionate about I list activities such as:
- working with others,
- limited creativity,
- having a direct supervisor,
- focus on details or results driven by monetary gains
- doing meaningless tasks
Typically we would think that to be successful we must be willing to give out certain things that we don’t enjoy. But truly all that we need is self-worth. I personally tend to devalue myself. My low self esteem takes charge of everything around me. Little thoughts invade my mind:
- I rather stay in bed,
- I am not important at work,
- No one cares about me,
- My partner doesn’t love me enough
With time I have come to understand that these are just evil thoughts that are trying to sabotage my life. I don’t hate them I am just trying to feel in control over them. I really want to be able to be free of fear and enjoy life little by little.
So I have started doing small things that I enjoy, such as walking my dogs, writing or simply enjoying some good music. I noticed swimming or exercising helps too but sometimes I don’t enjoy those as much. It makes perfect sense to me now because exercising does not offer an immediate reward.
Same as when we go to work, we become machines and we typically don’t see the reward right away. We see a paycheck every two weeks and it is not as exciting to me. I was unemployed for over a year so I must feel grateful but I also have had jobs that paid higher. Currently I work at a call center for a corporation that does lab work. It may seem very automatic but I am doing some problem solving and I like to think that I am helping patients and physicians provide a better care for their life.
However there are some days that I don’t see that result right away so I become less and less motivated. This where we want to just lay down in bed, stop everything around us and just don’t care. Yet this is where we should take a deep breath, shut the inner critic and understand that everything is perfect. We are here at this precise moment for a reason. We are at this role because no one else but me can bring my skills to the table. We are unemployed because we are in search of better opportunities.
Once we determine what drives us we could find the real purpose of each of us in this world. I personally feel accomplished when I go to bed thinking that I had made someone else’s life easier. The feeling of making someone happy or seeing progress enlightens me. That is how I have realized that I have been a teacher throughout my entire life without being on the educational field. In past roles I have been known for certain abilities that basically describe a professor but also describe a doctor in psychology or counselor. I have detailed these below, in case you guys have any other thoughts, I have been known for:
- being a person who brings great insights to the table,
- helps connect the dots,
- provides the necessary investigation needed to come up with different solutions,
- provides the support needed to new associates that guides them in the discovery of new findings
I would have never been able to arrive at this amazing discovery if it wasn’t for this continuos search and ups and downs that I have been riding through the past 10 years. All we have to do is focus on those values that we truly want for ourselves, our families and the world around us. If you don’t like what you’re doing it is ok to pause and change pathways. Once we see that we are contributing to a better world in everything that we do then we will come to understand that we can be happy with who we are meant to be.